Friday, October 31, 2008

giddy up!

You know you have too much time on your hands when you randomly start looking through all the treasures for sale in the Facebook Marketplace.

Best thing I found: Child's 13" Western Rawhide Saddle, hardly used, excellent condition. Only $475 (Is this a deal? Only children's rawhide saddle afficionados would know.) Also available are a pony bridle and other pony-related gear. I wonder what happened. Some kid was living the dream of having your own pony, and something obviously went wrong.

As a kid I wanted a horse, and had dreams that I got one and it lived in the park in our backyard. In reality, the closest I got was a couple of hours a week learning to be a cowgirl. On Saturday mornings I would put on my boots and my parents would drop me off at Miracle Ranch for riding lessons. I would come home, sometimes after lunch at the Spud Stop with my dad, and my sisters would tell me I stunk like horse poo. I would sit in the backyard and scrape the manure off my boots, not really caring that I was stinky. I think many kids have this dream, to be a cowboy or girl, ridin' on the open prairie with your trusty horse, Rusty, as your companion. I don't really know what happened, I guess my interest sort of petered out, so it's probably for the best I never did get a horse, or Rusty would be grazing, neglected in a field, the kind of horse who has a matted mane and a little too much rib sticking through his coat.

It kind of makes me sad to see this little kid's dreams crushed and all that remains is a Facebook ad. But the saddest part is really that I spent time not only looking at this ad, but then deciding to spend my time writing about it...

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

into the wilderness...

Day 3 into the "week of unemployment". Woke up this morning with a blank slate of a day ahead of me. Mid-week. Some people would revel in this opportunity to lay in bed and watch movies all day. Well, Day 1 and 2 did include those activities among other things. A trip to the mall, some basking in the sun at the Forks, hot tea and books in coffeeshops...

But this morning I woke up and needed a direction. And when I feel lost or aimless my back-up plan is usually to head out of the city and look for some clarity. I do love the city, and I love my busy neighbourhood, but sometimes even a city girl needs to feel sunshine on her face, unobstructed by tall buildings, and needs to see wind blow over tall grass across an open field. So after dressing in comfy, stretchy layers of clothing I got into the trusty Civic who has been sitting forlorn in the parking lot for a few days, and we hit the open road.... okay, we didn't make it far. But with the cost of gas and the fact that I am not actually making any money, the half hour drive to Bird's Hill Park was about as country as it was gonna get.

Mid-morning, mid-week, halfway to winter is a pretty dead time out there. So I had a nice trail all to myself. My Ipod set to shuffle somehow picked all the songs I needed to hear as I ran down trails, wandered through open, sunny fields and sat at the side of an ice-edged pond. Taking an unknown path I ended up in a little wooded area full of pines and chickadees flying everywhere. Someone had set up a milk carton birdfeeder, so I went over and scopped out a handful of seeds and sat down on a log. Soon little birds were landing on my hand and eating out of it. There is something comforting about the feeling of little bird feet gripping my fingertips as a little beak pecked the seeds out of my palm. It's like when little kids play with your hair or whisper secrets into your ear. It was then that my day felt validated. New job? Crazy lady who sits in the park and feeds birds? But maybe that's what we all need. A week of unemployment to test ourselves and our ability to be alone. A chance to test out new career options- explorer, photographer, writer, zoo keeper?

Saturday, October 25, 2008

What to do this weekend

As the forecast calls for possible snow this weekend in Winnipeg and outside showers are occasionally falling, my forecast for this weekend calls for snuggling up under my afghan on the couch with my new craft sale magic bag, compliments of mom, all warm and toasty, rewatching a favourite movie.
I laughed, I cried, I searched Youtube for one of my favourite songs from the movie, shared here for you to enjoy on a cold, rainy, and possibly snowy night.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

I miss the ocean

I miss walking on the beach barefoot, with a scarf wrapped around my neck, collecting smooth stones. I miss salty wind playing in my hair. I miss the sound of shells rubbing against one another as the waves push them ashore.

I want to go back to the east coast and sit on an endless beach and piece myself together under layers of blankets and beach towels pulled from the trunk of my trusty companion Honda Civic.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

In the futcher I will have a better attude


Who doesn't love a good apology letter? It always feels better to tell someone you're sorry. In fact, I think it feels better to write it than to receive it, to know that you put it out there that you are sorry. It is hard to feel forgiven, even if someone tells you that they have forgiven you, how do you know if it is sincere? There are people in my life I feel I have had to apologize to and I'm still not sure if they have ever really forgiven me. Maybe the simplicity of this letter says it all. I like how the kid sums it up. In the "futcher" he will be a better little boy, because really, at least he learnt from his mistakes (although why is it wrong to ask what would happen if you shot a policeman?). And that's more than I can say for myself some days.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

currently reading...

... how to stay alive in the woods, by bradford angier

i don't know who this man is, but he is a genuis. so far i have learned that basically anything is edible, or worth trying to eat when lost in the wilderness... except mushrooms. stear clear of mushrooms!!! this must have a day to day parallel, some metaphor for us in the civilized world. something like: what are the mushrooms in your life?

goal for the next year:
-identify edible plants in the manitoba wilderness and eat them
-be wary of things that grow in piles of metaphorical manure

Sunday, October 5, 2008

never gonna fall for modern love

i'm just about ready to pack my bags and move. except that nothing is in boxes, and no truck has been ordered, no movers are aware of these plans i have. it's because even if i did make all the arrangements and stowed away all i own on to the truck, where would we go? the place i want to move to does not exist. at least, not outside my mind and a few great movie plots.

i want to move to a place where a guy plays the only guitar song he knows to a girl he wants, where someone shows up unexpectedly and sopping wet at your front door in the rain to tell you something unimportant they thought you would like to hear, where secret admirers send you cards in the mail with a mix tape and liner notes explaining why they love each song. where people go for walks and holding his hand makes her legs feel weak, where people know each other's favourite colours and want to know why you have that little scar on your knee.

if you find this place, please let me know, and can i borrow your truck on moving day?

Thursday, October 2, 2008

swirling mist and crystal balls

tonight i had my fortune told for the first time. as the tarot card reader was communicating with the spirit guides standing behind me half of me wanted it all to be true while the other half was laughing at how absurd it all was. well, maybe it was more like 60/40 with the 60 going to the spirit guides...
does this make me open to new experiences or just plain crazy? either way, i think the 60 % had more fun believing it all.

so here are the predictions:

-first of all, angie is my spirit guide. whoever she is, she likes me and apparently likes my energy so we hang out a lot. sweet, i always like a new friend!

-this is my 47th life, and my last life. (i have always said i have an old soul.)

-when i was charting my life i was very vague and left it open to many possibilities because i like things to be flexible and able to be changed. (true! score 1 for the fortune teller.)

-i charted myself to die at 77, but left it open that in case i didn't do everything i wanted to do i would wait until 94 to die. apparently i have lots planned for myself. (well this is yet to be determined, but if i do die at 77, someone please add another point for the fortune teller.)

-i will have either 4 kids or 2 kids. i will definitely have 3 kids. (or all of the above?) but i will be a good mom, and will make a very happy, comfy home because i need a stable, safe place. (well, i did learn from the best! and score 3 for the fortune teller on the home front)

- i will either marry once or twice, depending on who i marry the first time and what he does/does not do. but i will be married for almost 50 years. this means if i die at 77 i need to meet someone soon. (future suitors beware.)

- i am too serious for my age (score 4 for the fortune teller.)

-i will have a career in writing/journalism. (so read this blog carefully, someday i will be famous, but not too famous, because i was told i wouldn't want to be recognized. so somewhere between J.K. Rowling and -fill in the blank with the name of some unknown writer-?)

-i was told i am someone who takes care of her body, but it is important to listen to myself and i often have cravings. i should listen to those cravings because it's what i need. (well, in that case, i'm off to go eat the rest of the black bean brownies i baked this afternoon.)