I miss the ocean

I miss walking on the beach barefoot, with a scarf wrapped around my neck, collecting smooth stones. I miss salty wind playing in my hair. I miss the sound of shells rubbing against one another as the waves push them ashore.

I want to go back to the east coast and sit on an endless beach and piece myself together under layers of blankets and beach towels pulled from the trunk of my trusty companion Honda Civic.

In the futcher I will have a better attude

from http://www.foundmagazine.com/

Who doesn't love a good apology letter? It always feels better to tell someone you're sorry. In fact, I think it feels better to write it than to receive it, to know that you put it out there that you are sorry. It is hard to feel forgiven, even if someone tells you that they have forgiven you, how do you know if it is sincere? There are people in my life I feel I have had to apologize to and I'm still not sure if they have ever really forgiven me. Maybe the simplicity of this letter says it all. I like how the kid sums it up. In the "futcher" he will be a better little boy, because really, at least he learnt from his mistakes (although why is it wrong to ask what would happen if you shot a policeman?). And that's more than I can say for myself some days.

A song for the day

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52ph3VPf-I8

currently reading...

... how to stay alive in the woods, by bradford angier

i don't know who this man is, but he is a genuis. so far i have learned that basically anything is edible, or worth trying to eat when lost in the wilderness... except mushrooms. stear clear of mushrooms!!! this must have a day to day parallel, some metaphor for us in the civilized world. something like: what are the mushrooms in your life?

goal for the next year:

-identify edible plants in the manitoba wilderness and eat them

-be wary of things that grow in piles of metaphorical manure

"many an imaginary playmate was invented from the yearning for shared creative adventures" -julia cameron

never gonna fall for modern love

i'm just about ready to pack my bags and move. except that nothing is in boxes, and no truck has been ordered, no movers are aware of these plans i have. it's because even if i did make all the arrangements and stowed away all i own on to the truck, where would we go? the place i want to move to does not exist. at least, not outside my mind and a few great movie plots.

i want to move to a place where a guy plays the only guitar song he knows to a girl he wants, where someone shows up unexpectedly and sopping wet at your front door in the rain to tell you something unimportant they thought you would like to hear, where secret admirers send you cards in the mail with a mix tape and liner notes explaining why they love each song. where people go for walks and holding his hand makes her legs feel weak, where people know each other's favourite colours and want to know why you have that little scar on your knee.

if you find this place, please let me know, and can i borrow your truck on moving day?

swirling mist and crystal balls

tonight i had my fortune told for the first time. as the tarot card reader was communicating with the spirit guides standing behind me half of me wanted it all to be true while the other half was laughing at how absurd it all was. well, maybe it was more like 60/40 with the 60 going to the spirit guides...
does this make me open to new experiences or just plain crazy? either way, i think the 60 % had more fun believing it all.

so here are the predictions:

-first of all, angie is my spirit guide. whoever she is, she likes me and apparently likes my energy so we hang out a lot. sweet, i always like a new friend!

-this is my 47th life, and my last life. (i have always said i have an old soul.)

-when i was charting my life i was very vague and left it open to many possibilities because i like things to be flexible and able to be changed. (true! score 1 for the fortune teller.)

-i charted myself to die at 77, but left it open that in case i didn't do everything i wanted to do i would wait until 94 to die. apparently i have lots planned for myself. (well this is yet to be determined, but if i do die at 77, someone please add another point for the fortune teller.)

-i will have either 4 kids or 2 kids. i will definitely have 3 kids. (or all of the above?) but i will be a good mom, and will make a very happy, comfy home because i need a stable, safe place. (well, i did learn from the best! and score 3 for the fortune teller on the home front)

- i will either marry once or twice, depending on who i marry the first time and what he does/does not do. but i will be married for almost 50 years. this means if i die at 77 i need to meet someone soon. (future suitors beware.)

- i am too serious for my age (score 4 for the fortune teller.)

-i will have a career in writing/journalism. (so read this blog carefully, someday i will be famous, but not too famous, because i was told i wouldn't want to be recognized. so somewhere between J.K. Rowling and -fill in the blank with the name of some unknown writer-?)

-i was told i am someone who takes care of her body, but it is important to listen to myself and i often have cravings. i should listen to those cravings because it's what i need. (well, in that case, i'm off to go eat the rest of the black bean brownies i baked this afternoon.)